Para os professores, neste Natal
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These comments come from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior, high school and college students . . . as the originator noted, “it is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grade.” Please note that the original spelling has been left intact.
“The body consists of three parts – the branius, the borax and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o and u.”
“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.”
“H20 is hot water, and C02 is cold water.”
“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.”
“When you smell an oldourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.”
“Water is composed of two gins, oxygen and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gine.”
“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”
“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration and then expectoration.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”
“Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
“A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
“The pistol of a flower is its only protection agenst insects.”
“A skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”
“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”
“Germinate – To become a naturalised German.”
“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”
“Magnet – something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”
“Momentum – What you give a person when they are going away.”
“Planet – A body of earth surrounded by sky.”
“Rhubarb – a kind of celery gone bloodshot.”
“Vaccum – A large, empty space where the pope lives.”
“Before giving as blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”
“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”
“For a nosebnleed – put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.”
“For dog bite – put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.”
“For head cold – use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.”
“To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.”
“The body consists of three parts – the branius, the borax and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o and u.”
“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.”
“H20 is hot water, and C02 is cold water.”
“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.”
“When you smell an oldourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.”
“Water is composed of two gins, oxygen and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gine.”
“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”
“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration and then expectoration.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”
“Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
“A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
“The pistol of a flower is its only protection agenst insects.”
“A skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”
“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”
“Germinate – To become a naturalised German.”
“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”
“Magnet – something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”
“Momentum – What you give a person when they are going away.”
“Planet – A body of earth surrounded by sky.”
“Rhubarb – a kind of celery gone bloodshot.”
“Vaccum – A large, empty space where the pope lives.”
“Before giving as blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”
“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”
“For a nosebnleed – put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.”
“For dog bite – put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.”
“For head cold – use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.”
“To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.”
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- Administrador Fórum
- Mensagens: 20972
- Registado: 25/10/2002 17:02
- Localização: Lisboa
Para os professores, neste Natal
Para os professores que tantas vezes se sentem agredidos pelo que discutimos por estas bandas. Para aqueles que o são com vocação.
Heart Test
As she stood in front of her fifth grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.
It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records and she put Teddy’s off until last.
However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners . . . he is a joy to be around . . .”
His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.”
His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”
Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.”
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.
Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.” After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.
On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive.
The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets.”
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a litter longer . . . The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.
Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson’s ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.”
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, “Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you!”
(For those of you who don’t know, Teddy Stoddard is the doctor at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)
Warm someone’s heart today . . . passes this along.
I love this story so very much, I cry every time I read it. Just try to make a difference in someone’s life today, tomorrow. Just “do it.” Random acts of kindness, I think they call it.
Believe in angels, and then return the favor.
Heart Test
As she stood in front of her fifth grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.
It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records and she put Teddy’s off until last.
However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners . . . he is a joy to be around . . .”
His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.”
His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”
Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.”
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.
Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.” After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.
On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive.
The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets.”
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a litter longer . . . The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.
Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson’s ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.”
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, “Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you!”
(For those of you who don’t know, Teddy Stoddard is the doctor at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)
Warm someone’s heart today . . . passes this along.
I love this story so very much, I cry every time I read it. Just try to make a difference in someone’s life today, tomorrow. Just “do it.” Random acts of kindness, I think they call it.
Believe in angels, and then return the favor.
-
- Administrador Fórum
- Mensagens: 20972
- Registado: 25/10/2002 17:02
- Localização: Lisboa
3 mensagens
|Página 1 de 1